Mother’s Day

It’s a time of celebration of your Mum, who birthed you into this life. A time of happiness, gratitude and awe of what your Mum has done for you in your life.

She was there when you took your first breath, rocked you to sleep when you were scared, holding your hand on your first day of school and maybe even walked you down the aisle like mine did. These are all happy memories to cherish and be grateful for, yes. But, what do you do on a day of celebration for your Mum, when she no longer lives?

What do you do with those memories that you hold onto so tight?

You can still hear her laugh, remember her precious blue eyes and that smile that would light up any room. Her jokes that would get even the most miserable person laughing, which was her aim – she loved to cheer people up! It was a gift, her gift.

Or the sound of her sewing machine going in the background, while she made countless things for everyone’s babies. I don’t know why I never asked for baby things to be made for my future child, knowing that Mum probably wasn’t going to be around. I cringe now at the thought of everyone else enjoying the precious baby blankets, embroidered towels and clothes she made for their babies, while I have nothing. Regret has a bitter taste. Its painful to think about these happy memories now because you slipped away from this world four years ago Mum.

Well, let’s face it, my uncertainty of being a mother one day is very real. Another reason to despise Mother’s Day, having to face the reality that I am broken. That I am most likely unable to do what my body was designed to do, have children. Every women, well the majority of women grow up knowing one day they will bear children, birth life into this world and that gives us wholeness. Without it, it leaves you feels half empty, especially with everyone around you getting pregnant.

I’ve had three people tell me in the last few months that they are having a child and for two of them it wasn’t planned, it probably wasn’t celebrated the way it should have been either, which isn’t my business. While us endometriosis and infertile women sit here and ask the Universe, God or whoever – WHY ME?

Why can’t I just be like every other women and not be broken?

Mother’s Day is not a day of celebration for me, it’s just a reminder of what I have lost and what I will probably never have!

I really wish it was different, it use to be different.

Everyone needs their Mum – even when you are in your 30’s! If you have a Mum still, don’t take her for granted because one day she will be gone and you’ll miss her so much, it hurts!

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